We interrupt...

...our regularly scheduled blogging to bring you today's quit meter:

Nine months, 3 hours, 38 minutes and 36 seconds. 5483 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,069.03. Life saved: 2 weeks, 5 days, 55 minutes.

NO!

Friday

"The only think in my life right now that DOESN'T suck is my vacuum cleaner."

-Me

TREE UPDATE

This is what the tree did. As you can see, the big branch didn't fall all the way. So, something had to be done. And, no matter what that was, this was going to cost money. Either pay someone to come take care of it (and have the problem of dealing with the dogs), or just figure out a way to do it myself. I went to Home Depot and looked at renting a chainsaw. They only had big gas ones. Too heavy for me, and for some reason gas powered tools and I don't get along. So, I went over to look at ones to buy. For $12 more than one day's rental of one that wasn't the best choice for me I got a nice electric chainsaw. And, I set about cutting up the damn tree.

Here's where it got a little scary. The branch wasn't broken all the way through, and was wedged between the tree trunk and the ground. The safest way to get it down was to make a cut near where it was hinged to the tree. So...

I found the spot where I was least likely to be squished by the falling branch, and cut it off!

And, done. Okay, not completely. I still need to cut up some of the big pieces. The rest of the tree needs to come down too. And, I need to make some neat piles with the wood so that I can burn it in my little fire pit. This took me two days. I had to rest a lot-it was very hot. And, I wasn't foolish enough to go out and use a chain saw and deal with falling wood in shorts and flip-flops, so I was overdressed for the weather. But, I made it safe to walk out back. I did it myself. I have lots of fire wood. There's more sun for plants. I didn't cut a leg off, or any other body part. I didn't drop a log on my foot.

I am woman, hear me run power tools!

Or, I am woman, hear me whine about how SORE I am.

Monday

My life sucks!

Okay, not really. I am not sick, I am not losing my home, I have food to eat and gas in the car and enough toilet paper. But, today I felt overwhelmed, helpless and friendless. And I cried. Because it sucks that I don't have a job and that there are no jobs to be had where I can earn more than unemployment pays. It sucks that a big branch of a tree fell down in my yard, and I need to get it cut up before it falls all the way and kills a dog or something. Yes, the tree was dead. I KNEW the tree was dead. I should have had it taken care of when I had a job and money. I didn't because there's no easy way to isolate the dogs from this area. So, I ignored it and now it has fallen and I need to do something and I have no one to help me, and it sucks. I could pay someone money (that I don't really have) to come cut it up, but I still have the problem of no way to keep the dogs away. Putting them in the house won't work-the tree is right outside the glass patio door, and the dogs wouldn't like seeing strangers in the yard. And the previous owners put stupid folding doors on all the bedrooms that the dogs can open so I can't put them in a room. And, the door to the garage won't close all the way so the dogs can open it and get back inside. I could be outside with them, but I'm afraid they would get hurt by chainsaws or falling branches. I could go rent a chain saw and cut it up myself. And hope that I don't cut my leg off.

It sucks. It all sucks.

And, a well-meaning person from the rescue emailed me today to ask if I was going to put ads for our garage sale in the paper. And, why didn't I want to pick up large furniture. No way am I going to pay for newspaper ads! And, how the hell am I going to transport large furniture in my car? By myself! Oh yeah, I can lift a sofa and stuff it in the back of a Chevy HHR, no problem. Yes, I volunteered to do this garage sale-BACK WHEN I STILL HAD A JOB! Now all I have to give is time. You can have all of it, but don't ask me to spend money, because I can't and it makes me cry.

And then I stepped in dog shit.

See? My life sucks.

Wednesday

BENTLEY GOES TO THE BEACH

Bentley seems to love water. He takes dips in my fish pond. He can hear me pick up the hose from anywhere in the house, and runs outside to play. If his little wading pool is empty he lies in it until I turn on the hose and fill it up. So-you would think that he would enjoy a trip to the beach. I figured that this would be a good day to go. Labor Day has passed, all of the children have gone back to school and the Zonies have gone home. I was hoping for an uncrowded beach, and I got that.

This was the first car trip I've taken the Bent-Boy on since he came to live here. He jumped right in, excited to go somewhere. I quickly found out that he is terrified of being left in the car. I had tethered him in the back like I always do with dogs. I don't want them jumping out when I open the door and running away. Or, if we get in an accident and a door flies open I don't want a scared dog running out into traffic. Well, when I got out of the car to go let him out of the back he completely panicked. I finally got him to come out the back and headed toward the water. This dog, who I can't keep OUT of my pond, wanted nothing to do with beach water! And then I had to go pee. Mind you, we were on Fiesta Island. There are no real restroom facilities. There are a few porta-potties scattered around, but of course no where close to where I had parked. Back in the car. Drive to a porta-potty. Deal with Mr. "Don't LEEEEAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE Me Here". Go pee. Get back in the car. Drive all the way around the island again. (The road is a one-way circle.) Got stuck behind a slow moving Volvo. I was certain that the driver was drunk-the car was all over the road. When they finally pulled off I saw that the driver was a CHILD! Some moron was letting their kid drive a car on a public road.

Okay, let's try the water again. I waded in, and then Bentley decided that this was just water, and started having some fun.

But then some other dogs showed up. And, I discovered another thing that scares Bentley. Small dogs. All he wanted to do was move the other way as quickly as possible. So, we went back to the car.

"Thanks Mom."

At home we enjoyed the weather. 20º cooler than Monday. I walked out into the living room a few minutes ago. All the dogs are sprawled in front of the open patio door.

Tuesday

THE MORONS ARE OUT TO GET ME!

Actually, today it was rude morons. I went to CostCo. (Amazing-now that I'm only buying what I really need there my monthly total is $200, instead of $400. There was this really neat jacket there today, it was ONLY $27 and I really wanted it. I didn't get it.) I needed fish oil, but there was a couple walking toward the shelf and I was on the other side of the aisle. I politely waited for them to pass. They STOPPED right between me and the fish oil to argue about something! That will teach me to be polite. Then I was starting to unload my stuff into my car and this woman pulls up, and sits in the middle of the lane so that nobody can get past her, and waits for me to finish. I'll admit, I had a nice parking spot. In the shade, right next to the cart return. But, I think that people who block the lane to wait for a parking space are beyond rude. I mean-it's not Christmas season at the mall-there were plenty of other spaces. And, if she really had to have that one she could have pulled over to the side. Soooooooo, I took my time unloading my cart. Decided that I didn't like where I put the eggs, moved them to the other side. Slowly returned my cart. Then, I took my purse, locked my car and went back to the food court and got a chocolate/vanilla swirl frozen yogurt.

It was really good too.

DOES GRAMMAR REALLY MATTER?

Some people don't think so. I do. Frankly, if you can't formulate a proper sentence, or apparently don't know the difference between their, there and they're, you look like an uneducated fool. If you're blind and using one of those voice recognition things, or English isn't your first language, or you're five years old I'm willing to cut you some slack. But otherwise you are subject to inclusion in my occasional collection of atrocious email.

Here's today's set:

You don't notice anything in his gait so it be hard to change it. That's what I am trying to say... you can't tell he has HD... the only time you'd know is if it's raining... he's on anti immflamitories. His Gait is flawless as far as seeing the HD... so how can you change and already sound gait?

they're un a corn free, grain free food... I mean.... they've got it as good as it can get on crap in a bag.... but otherwise there isn't anything else. My mother simply isn't willing to clean up the puke and the runs they get when we've tried before and she isn't willing to fix their meals for them. I can not do nothing. Save your breath.

funnily cats do not get this

Like I said... if I was going to feed kibble... it be Go

Monday

Still hot. I finally gave in and turned on the little window AC today. The coolest I could get the house, even right in front of the AC, was 84º. So, all I did today that required the tiniest bit of exertion was to take out the trash and empty the compost bucket. Only because they were both over full. The rest of the day I camped in front of the AC and watched movies.

Finished watching Dogville. I like this movie. Weird, and dark. A scathing comment on human nature. Then, Magnolia. The theme for the day seemed to be weird and dark. So, I switched moods after that and watched K-Pax. Jeff Bridges looks better with longer hair, but in my opinion most men do.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a little cooler.

Saturday

I'm hot. Not the good kind of hot either. And I'm sweaty. It won't rain here! Every day we get clouds. I hear thunder. It doesn't rain. I even tried the start-a-Bar-B-Que-going method to see if those clouds would squeeze out a drop or two. No rain. I did get a nice dinner out of it. A piece of pork loin and a big bunch of my vegetables-in-foil-with-olive-oil-and-spices.

Spent the day with the dogs again. Dusty has a wonderful foster home. I was so happy to see him today, he's a changed dog from the scared creature we first took in. Amazing what a little human contact will do for a dog. My foster dog Tilly-who is absolutely the most timid dog I have ever met-finally took a treat from my hand last night. It might have been because she was really hungry. Dinner a few nights ago was lamb flank. No dog ate any, so it went back in the cooler and was fed again the next night. The boys each ate about half a serving, the girls again wouldn't touch it. Back in the cooler. Night three-boys again ate half a serving, girls didn't eat. Which is actually fine, the girls are both a little chunky (life isn't fair in the gender based weight distribution plan, even for dogs) so going a few days without food isn't going to kill them. I gave up, tossed the lamb and tonight gave them pork brisket. There is still some lamb in the freezer though, and we're going to do the tough love thing again and again until they either eat it, or it's in the trash after three days.

MORE MANGLING OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Reader comment in the on line newspaper: "I propose building wind mills on the mediums."
Why do you think it's a good idea to build windmills on people who speak to the dead?

10 News, at it again: "A twisted tale, full of twists."
I guess this story is a bit twisted, yes?

And, some things that came to my email-honest! These are actual cut-and-pastes:

Get the bloods sent to Dr. xxxx for the thyroid testing as her test is more sensitive and picks up more than a vets will, and picks it up sooner before as much damage is done.
Besides the punctuation issues, I'm wondering why someone wants to send boys from the 'hood to Dr. xxxx to have their thyroids tested.

"Brave to your girl!"
Yeah. Whatever.

"I don't give Vitamin E... but I do give A&D for skin and coat health as well s eye site."
I have no idea what vitamins A and D will do to correct the placement of an eye.

"I remember driving a couple of times and Think after I pasted a light,....Was that RED?,..."
Why would someone want to paste a traffic light? What would you paste it to? And, what would you use? A really big glue stick?

Clouds. No rain, just clouds.