December 6th

LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCES

When I lived in Hollywood I had a friend who owned a rather strange business. They would take a bus and park in front of the Chinese Theater and recruit people to go see tapings of TV shows. They would get paid by how many bodies they would deliver. Those of us who lived there wouldn't volunteer to be among them. We knew the routine-you were herded in, sat down, locked in until it was over. You must applaud NOW! You must laugh NOW! I did one time go to a taping of Fernwood 2 Night, which was entertaining, but for the most part I wasn't part of any “live audience” that everything seemed to be filmed in front of.

BUT, now they give you things for being part of the herd and getting locked in. I want a $500 gift certificate! I want the all-in-one printer/fax/scanner! I want those gold earrings! Makes me wish I lived close to the studios again. Well, only for a moment. Then I remember how horrid the traffic was the last time I was in L.A., and that I was screaming in my car “How can people live here?” I don't think that there are enough audience gifts in all of Los Angeles to make me want to live there again. But, if I ever go back to New York I want tickets to see The View. They give out really good stuff! And, they tell you things like how Whoopi Goldberg got her nickname. (It has to do with farts. Really.)

I GUESS MEXICANS DON'T EAT MUCH SWISS CHEESE

I sometimes go to a little grocery store up the hill. It caters to Hispanic customers, but has good produce and interesting meat items. When I check out with things like pork tongue, beef kidney and chicken feet I'm sure they wonder what this white girl is going to do with it all. (It's for the dogs. Really.) Monday I ran up there to get some chicken leg quarters for the dogs-they have 10 lb. bags that have true quarters-leg, thigh and half of the back. For myself I grabbed some tomatoes, celery and jalapeños, and looked for some Swiss cheese. I have some ham, and I thought that I would like a ham and Swiss on a gluten-free organic corn thin. No Swiss cheese! There was cheddar, jack, pepper jack, all sorts of Mexican cheese, even Velveeta and American faux cheese slices, but no Swiss. I guess Swiss cheese doesn't go well in a taco. Maybe I'll create a ham and Swiss enchilada recipe.

ANOTHER RANT ABOUT A RUDE MORON

I was on my way back from the store and a bunch of rude morons had the entire street blocked with a moving truck. I wouldn't have minded if they had left enough room to squeeze around, but they didn't, so I honked. No body appeared, I honked again. Still no one, I honked again. Four men came out of the back of the truck, and stood there and looked at me. I rolled down the window and said “There's no room to get around.” The fat one yelled “We know.” Okay, you rude, fat, moron. If you KNOW the street is blocked why did you do it? Then he yelled “There's other streets.” Let me get this straight. You expect me to turn around and drive around the block to get to my house which is two houses up the street because you think that you have the right to block the whole street? Yeah. Right.

They moved it.

They probably think I'm a bitch, but I'd rather be a bitch than a fat, rude moron.

SPEAKING OF BEING A BITCH

I've griped before about moron telemarketers who either flagrantly violate the “do not call” list, really stretch the rules for allowed calls, break the law altogether by using recorded messages, or ignore requests to not call again. I've tried all sorts of things-not answering My phone until people talk to the phone machine, or if I can tell the call was made by an automatic dialer I ask the caller to hold on and I never come back, etc. I've had enough! I'm reporting all these morons to the FCC. It's pretty easy to do-they have a website.

FCC Complaints

It probably won't make all the rotten telemarketers go away, but it makes me feel better.

MORONS POSTING ON PUBLIC FORUMS:

"Surprosed? then why are they paid so much to be wrong? theymust be related to chris rock" Somewhere there's a joke about being dumber than a box of rocks here.