June 23rd

U HAZ FUD!

HOW I FIXED MY PHONE

Not the actual phone, the jack. The little plastic part that keeps the plug in there broke off. Probably because the dogs like to get under the desk where the jack is and have little doggie squabbles, and they kept pulling the plug out of the jack. So the cord kept falling out, and I wouldn't notice it for days because I'm not a big fan of telephone conversations. One day I found myself in a store that sells phone jacks, so I bought a replacement. I didn't rush to install it-sitting on the floor under a built-in desk with a flash light trying to get the right itty-bitty colored wire attached to the right itty-bitty connector part wasn't real high on my list of Fun Things to Do. And now, of course, I have no idea which safe place I put the phone jack so that I would be able to find it when I finally got tired of getting on the floor under the desk to put the cord back in the jack and slap another piece of duct tape on it to try to get it to stay plugged in for longer than 10 seconds.

However, I did fix it.

I stuck it in with super glue.

Which should work until the next under-the-desk doggie squabble, when they'll probably manage to pull the jack off of the wall completely. And then I'll have to remember which store it was that had the replacement jack and buy another one.

June 20th

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT MY FEELINGS

I think you know who you are. I just want to ask one thing. Do you have any idea how hurtful it is to have something you said completely twisted and taken out of context and every attempt to explain yourself met with more personal attacks?

I have noticed the little sarcastic jabs that are still going on. I imagine that you are all getting a big kick out of yourselves in your off list back chatter. Go ahead, have your fun. I just want you all to know that you've made me cry more than once over this. Are you trying to be so mean to me that I'll leave the email list? Why not just be honest about it?

June 17th

GROCERY STORE KARMA?

I did my weekly grocery shopping today, and when I was done it was apparent that there were way too many people waiting to cough up their money (except for the W-I-C freeloaders, but more about them later) and too few (like one) check stands open, so I hung back a bit trying to sort out where the end of the line was. It was far away, past too many cranky looking people, and pointing in the opposite direction from the other check stands. Meaning, when the clerks finally pulled their heads out and opened additional stands the end of the line would not be strategically placed to get into a new line. So I just stayed where I was and sure enough rather quickly they opened a stand pretty much right in front of where I was standing. There was a young girl (early teens I would guess) in front of me who politely waited for the people who had been in front of the other line to go first, and then got in line behind them. Well, until this big, rude bitch (who was busy sending text messages on her phone) loudly announced that THIS line was for people coming from the OTHER line and physically pushed her way in front. The girl (her mother had gone to grab that one last thing) wisely let her in. No sense getting into an altercation with a well balanced (a chip on both shoulders) bitch. Just as the BLB (big, loud bitch) was putting her stuff on the belt they opened another line, and the polite young lady and her mother were first in that new line. I followed them because of the three lines one had a couple buying stuff with W-I-C coupons and one had two people with lots of stuff.

I try to avoid lines with W-I-C people. Every item has to be rung up as a separate transaction, and the price written on the coupon. Not to mention that the coupons are very specific, and the morons who have children that they can't afford to feed also seem to be unable to read, and they never get the right things so the line is held up while someone goes to the back of the store and gets the right kind of milk, and cheese, and juice and p-nut butter for them (one at a time, of course).

This is the karma part. The line that the BLB was in was the one with all the problems. The girl, her mother and I got a good laugh out of the fact that we were all rung up and done and on our way out of the store, and the BLB was still waiting for the person in front of her to finish arguing about the price of oranges.

Moral of the story-don't push to be first in line. Rudeness doesn't pay.

June 15th

THAT WHINY RASPY VOICE THING

The Father's Day (buy more shit) commercial for Ross really aggravates me. The woman who whines in the raspy voice at the end “We're definitely going to Ross.”

Contrary to what some women seem to believe, that voice is not sexy! It's annoying. I used to work with a woman who talked like that. She also walked through the office flipping her bleached blond hair and swishing her flat ass. In other words, she wasn't nearly as hot as she thought she was. Her raspy, whiny voice was a complete put on. When she wasn't thinking about it she didn't talk that way. She wasn't very smart either. When she quit she left a whole pile of problems she had been given to fix that were the result of her sloppy-ass work that someone else ended up having to clean up.

I guess I don't need to say that we weren't BFFs.

June 13th

Cute Overload!

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

Just sing the song, please! I hate it when people jack up the rhythm and throw all sorts of extra notes in there to demonstrate their vocal prowess. If you want to warble and wail, go sing opera. The latest bad example was the guy who sang the anthem before game four of the NBA playoffs. He had me screaming at my television set.

How can I show proper respect for my country and the flag when I'm screaming at the narcissistic moron who is mutilating the national anthem?

Just saying.

June 10th

SOMEDAYS I JUST HAVE TO WONDER...

What WAS I thinking? I often scribble down ideas for blog topics. Usually when I go back to actually write the story I find that I have no idea why I thought that bit would be even remotely interesting. The ones that would be interesting would probably result in someone getting really pissed off at me it I posted them here.

I had a really interesting idea for today. But, on second thought, never mind.

June 6th

JENN GOT THAT PART RIGHT!

Over at the Jennsylvania blog she titled a post Pimp Up, Bitches. Basically, she told her readers to pimp their own blogs-post a link in the comments. Now, since I was in one of my optimistic moods, I thought that the purpose was for the readers to SHARE. To read each others blogs, expand our horizons, get a few laughs, see what other kinds of people like to read Jennsylvania. So, I posted a link, and went and read ALL THE OTHER BLOGS! Some were good, some were moronic, some were dull, but I checked them ALL out.

Want to guess how many people used the link I posted to check out mine?

One.

Exactly one. (I wish I knew who it was, I'd like to thank her personally for getting into the spirit.)

The rest of the bitches can just go blog themselves.

June 4th

I AM CRUSHED!

Devastated, disillusioned, distraught.

A little blurb from one of my favorite blogs: (Jennsylvania):

“Also, here's some advice if you ever plan on being rich/famous/in the tabloids - BE NICE TO THE GUY DRIVING YOU. I learned over the past few weeks of getting rides to book events that limo drivers are the new Page Six and all it takes for them to spill the dirt is sliding into their backseat wearing a conservative sundress and pearls and asking, 'So, which famous people are assholes?'
And I swear I'm not making this up, but want to guess who's universally hated? Yep, that's night. Rachael Ray. Like we didn't see that coming.”

Rachael Ray is mean to the worker bees? Perky, cute, seemingly everyone's BFF Rachael Ray? Make life better with a dribble of EVOO and a squeeze from Mr. Honey Bear Rachel Ray?

I wonder if she's rude to waiters and doormen too.

I guess from now on I'll admire people who don't pretend to be nice. You know, the kind of people who own up to being assholes.

June 2nd

I don't really have anything worthwhile to say today, so I'm just sharing some photographs.