Friday

LOOK!

Yes, it's the longed for RAINDROPS ON ROSES! Unfortunately, this doesn't mean that it actually rained here. More like a drizzle. But, it looks good.

MORE FUN PICKING ON CHANNEL 10

I can't help it, they make it too easy. They've been running a commercial, with the tag line "Only on 10 news." The problem? It's an ad for game shows. Who Wants to be a Millionaire is news?

And now they announce with great excitement that they're going to show us the location of a story on their

PIN POINT NEWS TRACKER!!!!

It's a map. It's only a map. Please, just call it a map!

THE MORTGAGE MESS

It's still all over the news, the mortgage mess. People are loosing their homes, are the mortgage companies to blame? Let's take a look back. I bought my house in 2000, using a FHA loan with a buy-down and what is called an Access second. I borrowed more than the sale price, over 100% of the value. I got lucky. The value went up and I was able to refinance to a conventional fixed rate and avoid the higher payments that were coming due to the buy-down.

Why did prices go up so much so quickly? In part because the mortgage companies (and the investors who bought the loans) made it easier to obtain financing with lower payments and often no down payments. People started taking the equity out of their homes and using it to buy investment properties. Some people made a lot of money, but there comes a point where the sales price of a house can't be supported by the rent you can get for it, and that's where the breaking point was for home prices. And then the people who had recently bought houses with the negative amortization feature didn't have the increase in value to offset the higher amount they now owed on the house, and the payments went up and their income wasn't what the loan officers had stated it was, and the whole house of cards came crashing down.

Back when my house had first gone up in value a lot a loan officer tried to push me to use the equity and buy more properties. I didn't do it. My thought-I couldn't afford to buy my house at the higher value, so I couldn't afford to use the equity. I'm glad I didn't jump on that train, because I'd be in the train wreck with the rest of them. The only thing I DID was to obtain the biggest equity line of credit I could get, but didn't use it. I will use it now so that the dogs and I don't starve. Unemployment will pay the mortgage, but we gotta eat. And, with 50,000 people in the mortgage business out of work it doesnt look like there will be a enough jobs to absorb all of us back into the work force any time soon.

I TOLD YOU I HATE BAD GRAMMAR:

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

Tuesday

MY CRAZY BOYFRIENDS

I must tell you the story about my string of insane boyfriends:

• Jay-Bird. He somehow became quite convinced that there was a group of people following him everywhere. He was sure that they would do things like put one carton of his favorite ice cream in the freezer at 7-11, but they also doctored it so that after he ate the whole half gallon in one sitting he would fall asleep. Uh, dude! That much dairy will make anyone fall asleep. He was also convinced that I was in on it. He went so far as to call the local FBI office to report this. The person who answered the phone told him "to come on in to talk about it". Yeah, and to meet those nice young men in their clean white coats.
• Underwear Man. Soon after starting to date this guy I started noticing my underwear disappearing. And my panty hose. I thought I was just misplacing stuff, or the washing machine was eating it. Until one morning when I caught him wearing my bathing suit bottoms. THEN I found out from all my so-called friends that they all knew that he had a habit of stealing women's underwear and wearing it. After we broke up (which was immediately after finding him wearing my clothes) I found a bra with falsies duct taped into it in my closet. I was tempted to send a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog to him care of the bar he hung out in, but I didn't. I just told everyone. I figured that if he chose to wear women's underwear in the privacy of his bedroom that was his business. When he stole MY underwear that made it MY business, and I could tell whoever I wanted to. And, I wanted to talk!
• J.C. Thought he was Jesus. Really. Also swore that he didn't drink or smoke. Two minutes later would be puffing on my cigarettes and gulping wine from a water glass.
• The last one-committed suicide in our backyard. He wins the Most-Crazy-Boyfriend award. Poor guy, he really was mentally ill. Half the time he was charming and funny and loving. The other half he was dark, and paranoid, and just plain crazy. I wanted him to leave. Not the way he did though.

All of these guys seemed quite normal when I met them. So, do I drive men nuts? Maybe. I'm not really eager to find out with any new test cases.

A LITTLE GARDENING TALK

I love plants, but I'm not fond of watering. So, I'm trying to populate my yard with plants that will survive with little summer watering. Like the Purple Hanky vine. I haven't watered that sucker in three years, and it's eaten a trellis, a shepherd's crook with a bird house, and a few other garden accouterments that I will most likely never see again. It did get all brown and crispy after our unusual freeze last winter, but it has recovered. In the back I have something that I think is called a sweet potato plant. It pretty much goes dormant in the summer and comes back as soon as there's some rain. The odd thing is-there hasn't been any rain and the plant has leafed out and bloomed.

I figured out why. Last week I got a phone call from a neighbor. He happened to be walking around the block with his dog and noticed a lot of water on the sidewalk on the side of my house. (I have a corner lot, but I very rarely go on that side.) He thought I had a water leak. I checked it out, and my neighbor to the rear (who can officially be classified as a moron, but that's a long story) has sprinklers on her bank. They've been on for at least a week. They're still on, and the sidewalk is covered with water. The good thing-the water that SHE is paying for has gotten to the roots of my backyard plants. So, now I just need it to rain in the front yard.

The problem with my method? I love roses. Roses need more water than they'll ever get naturally here. I do have one OGR (Old Garden Rose) that has managed to survive. But, if I want more roses I'll have to rethink at least part of my anti-watering plan. Maybe large pots. I also like mini roses, and I bought a new one yesterday. The neat thing about the little minis that you can buy almost anywhere-they usually have two or three plants in the pot. If you so desire you can split them up and get more plants. I didn't with this one, I just put it in a bigger pot.

If you like roses and don't want to have to fuss over them a lot I recommend self-rooted OGR's. Grafted hybrid teas are a PITA!

And, because I like the picture, a close up of the flower from the rejuvenated plant:

DANCING WITH THE STARS

I love this show! Last year I picked Apolo to win even before the first episode because he's just so cute and I really thought that his build and footwork from short track speed skating would be an asset. That, and he lucked out with his partner. Tonight she did it again. I think that the race-car guy has a good shot at this because of her. Sabrina (I think that's her name) is a good pick too. I'm pulling for Jane Seymour to go far-she's older than I am, and I've always liked her. My prediction for the first to go-the female model. Models never do well, they don't seem to have a fan base to vote for them. And, she wasn't very good.

Sunday

THE WEATHER GODS MUST HATE ME!

Everywhere I went yesterday it rained. Driving up the coast to the garage sale for the rescue, it rained. At the garage sale, it rained. At the kennel where we went afterwards to walk some of the rescue dogs, it rained. On the drive home, it rained. At my house (where I would really like some free plant water), NO RAIN! Is it because I always make fun of the moron weatherman on Channel 10? Not the good one, the morning moron-James Quinones. He can't just say Thursday. It's "the eve of Friiiiiiiiidaaaaay!" He reads the weather like a ham actor. He can't just tell us what the temperature is going to be today, he has to tell us that it would be a good day to clean out your closet and while you're at it you might want to make a pot of chicken soup, and don't forget to call your mother. Nothing relevant to what he's supposed to be telling us, which is the weather. Not to mention that he can't use the word forecast in a sentence correctly. He'll say things like "We'll have nice weather by Saturday's forecast." NO, you moron! It's either "we'll have nice weather by Saturday", or "Saturday's forecast is for nice weather". A forecast is a prediction, it is NOT the weather itself. I can't help it. He's an annoying moron, and I just have to pick on him. The weather gods cannot possibly be on his side.

FLAT BUNS?

A fast food chain (I'm not being vague on purpose, I really don't remember which one) has a commercial promoting their patty melt where they extol the virtues of flat buns. Excuse me, but isn't that just bread?

MORE BAD GRAMMAR

These were posted in the comments section of the on-line newspaper:

Man is so arrogant & ignorant...Mother earth have been around 4.5 billion years: Man only about 3 million years. Mother earth will always heal itself but man decide was a wonderful bad idea to save the earth by crying out global warming! It's better to learn how to save ourself from ourself than trying to figure how to chase harlots down the daisy trail. (Who's calling who ignorant? And, what do harlots have to do with global warming?)

for you guys who keep laughing at the local weathermen, "the National Weather Service buzzed about all last week " - I think they are trying to point out it was the NWS forecast that suxored not the local weathermens. Of course that is probably just because the local San Diego "weathermen" aren't actually real meterologists and just read the reports given to the them :-D (I would hate to be suxored by a forecast. I don't even know what that is, but I don't think it can be good.)

Silk

Thursday

RAINDROPS ON ROSES AND WHISKERS ON KITTENS....

In case anyone thinks that I don't like anything because I'm always picking on stupid people and writing about things that annoy me, it's not true. But how dull would it be if I just wrote about sweetness and light all the time? I'm sorry, but I find it much more entertaining to criticize morons. But, there are some things that I like:

• Rachael Ray. Love her. One of the good things about being unemployed is getting to watch RR every morning. I don't often make her recipes, but she's so entertaining. I would like to sit down and talk to her.
• Thunderstorms. We don't get them often here, but I love to watch a good lightening show.
• Good movies. A well made movie in almost any genre will make me happy. I watched Breach last night. A good movie. Not the best, but it was good and worth the price of the rental.
• Beer. When I was a (LARGE) baby the doctor told my mother that I was too big and she would never be able to nurse me. Well, being the stubborn bitch that she is, my mother was determined to prove him wrong. (My mother hates men, I have no idea why she ever got married because she hated her husband too.) Anyway, someone told her that drinking beer would make more milk, so she drank beer. I think that's why I like it.
• Dogs. I love dogs. Except for mean ones. But, I don't like mean people either. Or stupid people. I'll bet you figured that out already though. I like cats too, but I don't have any. See below for the reason...
• Dishes. I love dishes. When I was young we would often stop at the Pottery Shack in Laguna Beach, which apparently doesn't exist any longer, on our way to visit my grandparents. There was no Interstate 5 yet, the only way to get from San Diego to Los Angeles was up Highway 101. We were usually allowed to pick something to buy. I should specify that it had to be cheap, because my mother-besides being a stubborn bitch-was selfish and didn't believe in "spoiling" her children. She didn't believe in being nice to them either. Anyway, I remember one time picking out a really pretty bowl. My mother (have I mentioned that she's a bitch?) snarled "What are you going to do with THAT?", and made me pick out a ceramic animal. I hate ceramic animals, I wanted a pretty bowl to put in my room. So, now that I'm a grown-up I have dishes. Lots of dishes. More dishes than I will ever use. Mostly vintage Franciscan ware. Which is why I don't have cats. Dogs chase cats. Cats jump on shelves to escape dogs. I have dishes on shelves. I like cats, but I love my dishes. This is only one small part of my dish collection:The yellow pitcher on the left side of the top shelf is called a ball jug. On the Franciscan collectors email list we abbreviate things: EHP is "embossed hand painted", EP is "El Patio". Ball jugs are not abbreviated.
• Raindrops on roses. Because in order to have those you have to have rain. We usually need rain in Southern California, except in the rare El Nino years when we're about to wash away. Right now we need it.

TODAY'S ADVICE TO MORONS

If you have your business name plastered all over your vehicle, don't drive like an asshole.

Tuesday

I received a very nice email from a reader (thanks Don!). He called me erudite. Maybe not so much, I had to look that up.

GRIPE FOR THE DAY-TELEMARKETERS!

I am on the "do not call list", but there are certain types of annoying callers that are exempt. Political types, charity types, and types who think that you have done business with them in the past. "You walked within 10 feet of our booth at the fair, so we have the right to call you." Those types. If they had any brains or business sense they would understand that people who are on the DNC list are on there because they don't like to be called by people wanting to sell things or beg for money! Apparently intelligence and telemarketing don't belong in the same sentence. It is for this reason that I don't answer my phone until I know who's calling, and I don't have caller ID so the phone machine screens my calls. (Some people find this annoying, but I have tried to train people who know me to call my cell phone. Those who don't do that will have to continue to be screened by the phone machine.) 90 calls out of 100 whoever it is hangs up before time to leave a message, except for the latest set of morons who have been calling. The phone rings, the machine answers. When it's time to leave a message a voice (which is in the middle of something, the automatic dialer having believed that a person answered) says "please continue to hold". HELLO! Anytime anyone calls me and then asks me to hold I will hang up the phone immediately. Then a real person comes on and asks to speak to me. Of course, they are too stupid to figure out that their system can't tell the difference between a machine or a real person, so they sit there talking to the machine. "Hello? Hello?" Then their tiny little brains kick in that there's no one there, and they hang up. I figure that if it's someone with something important to say to me they can be polite and leave a message.

Sometimes I get annoyed if the phone rings four times in an hour and the automatic dialer hangs up, so I'll pick up the phone. "May I speak to Marilyn?" "Sure, hold on." A few minutes later I come back. "May I tell her who's calling?" They tell me, I ask them to hold again. An hour later I'll hang up the phone.

Yes, I know that telemarketers and survey takers and charity donation seekers are just trying to make a living. But I don't like people calling me for those reasons, and I have to right to not answer my phone. I also have the right to not answer my door if it's someone I don't know. Well, unless it's the police. I haven't had to worry about the police knocking on my door in a long time though.

We interrupt...

...our regularly scheduled blogging to bring you today's quit meter:

Nine months, 3 hours, 38 minutes and 36 seconds. 5483 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,069.03. Life saved: 2 weeks, 5 days, 55 minutes.

NO!

Friday

"The only think in my life right now that DOESN'T suck is my vacuum cleaner."

-Me

TREE UPDATE

This is what the tree did. As you can see, the big branch didn't fall all the way. So, something had to be done. And, no matter what that was, this was going to cost money. Either pay someone to come take care of it (and have the problem of dealing with the dogs), or just figure out a way to do it myself. I went to Home Depot and looked at renting a chainsaw. They only had big gas ones. Too heavy for me, and for some reason gas powered tools and I don't get along. So, I went over to look at ones to buy. For $12 more than one day's rental of one that wasn't the best choice for me I got a nice electric chainsaw. And, I set about cutting up the damn tree.

Here's where it got a little scary. The branch wasn't broken all the way through, and was wedged between the tree trunk and the ground. The safest way to get it down was to make a cut near where it was hinged to the tree. So...

I found the spot where I was least likely to be squished by the falling branch, and cut it off!

And, done. Okay, not completely. I still need to cut up some of the big pieces. The rest of the tree needs to come down too. And, I need to make some neat piles with the wood so that I can burn it in my little fire pit. This took me two days. I had to rest a lot-it was very hot. And, I wasn't foolish enough to go out and use a chain saw and deal with falling wood in shorts and flip-flops, so I was overdressed for the weather. But, I made it safe to walk out back. I did it myself. I have lots of fire wood. There's more sun for plants. I didn't cut a leg off, or any other body part. I didn't drop a log on my foot.

I am woman, hear me run power tools!

Or, I am woman, hear me whine about how SORE I am.

Monday

My life sucks!

Okay, not really. I am not sick, I am not losing my home, I have food to eat and gas in the car and enough toilet paper. But, today I felt overwhelmed, helpless and friendless. And I cried. Because it sucks that I don't have a job and that there are no jobs to be had where I can earn more than unemployment pays. It sucks that a big branch of a tree fell down in my yard, and I need to get it cut up before it falls all the way and kills a dog or something. Yes, the tree was dead. I KNEW the tree was dead. I should have had it taken care of when I had a job and money. I didn't because there's no easy way to isolate the dogs from this area. So, I ignored it and now it has fallen and I need to do something and I have no one to help me, and it sucks. I could pay someone money (that I don't really have) to come cut it up, but I still have the problem of no way to keep the dogs away. Putting them in the house won't work-the tree is right outside the glass patio door, and the dogs wouldn't like seeing strangers in the yard. And the previous owners put stupid folding doors on all the bedrooms that the dogs can open so I can't put them in a room. And, the door to the garage won't close all the way so the dogs can open it and get back inside. I could be outside with them, but I'm afraid they would get hurt by chainsaws or falling branches. I could go rent a chain saw and cut it up myself. And hope that I don't cut my leg off.

It sucks. It all sucks.

And, a well-meaning person from the rescue emailed me today to ask if I was going to put ads for our garage sale in the paper. And, why didn't I want to pick up large furniture. No way am I going to pay for newspaper ads! And, how the hell am I going to transport large furniture in my car? By myself! Oh yeah, I can lift a sofa and stuff it in the back of a Chevy HHR, no problem. Yes, I volunteered to do this garage sale-BACK WHEN I STILL HAD A JOB! Now all I have to give is time. You can have all of it, but don't ask me to spend money, because I can't and it makes me cry.

And then I stepped in dog shit.

See? My life sucks.

Wednesday

BENTLEY GOES TO THE BEACH

Bentley seems to love water. He takes dips in my fish pond. He can hear me pick up the hose from anywhere in the house, and runs outside to play. If his little wading pool is empty he lies in it until I turn on the hose and fill it up. So-you would think that he would enjoy a trip to the beach. I figured that this would be a good day to go. Labor Day has passed, all of the children have gone back to school and the Zonies have gone home. I was hoping for an uncrowded beach, and I got that.

This was the first car trip I've taken the Bent-Boy on since he came to live here. He jumped right in, excited to go somewhere. I quickly found out that he is terrified of being left in the car. I had tethered him in the back like I always do with dogs. I don't want them jumping out when I open the door and running away. Or, if we get in an accident and a door flies open I don't want a scared dog running out into traffic. Well, when I got out of the car to go let him out of the back he completely panicked. I finally got him to come out the back and headed toward the water. This dog, who I can't keep OUT of my pond, wanted nothing to do with beach water! And then I had to go pee. Mind you, we were on Fiesta Island. There are no real restroom facilities. There are a few porta-potties scattered around, but of course no where close to where I had parked. Back in the car. Drive to a porta-potty. Deal with Mr. "Don't LEEEEAAAAAVVVVVVEEEEE Me Here". Go pee. Get back in the car. Drive all the way around the island again. (The road is a one-way circle.) Got stuck behind a slow moving Volvo. I was certain that the driver was drunk-the car was all over the road. When they finally pulled off I saw that the driver was a CHILD! Some moron was letting their kid drive a car on a public road.

Okay, let's try the water again. I waded in, and then Bentley decided that this was just water, and started having some fun.

But then some other dogs showed up. And, I discovered another thing that scares Bentley. Small dogs. All he wanted to do was move the other way as quickly as possible. So, we went back to the car.

"Thanks Mom."

At home we enjoyed the weather. 20º cooler than Monday. I walked out into the living room a few minutes ago. All the dogs are sprawled in front of the open patio door.

Tuesday

THE MORONS ARE OUT TO GET ME!

Actually, today it was rude morons. I went to CostCo. (Amazing-now that I'm only buying what I really need there my monthly total is $200, instead of $400. There was this really neat jacket there today, it was ONLY $27 and I really wanted it. I didn't get it.) I needed fish oil, but there was a couple walking toward the shelf and I was on the other side of the aisle. I politely waited for them to pass. They STOPPED right between me and the fish oil to argue about something! That will teach me to be polite. Then I was starting to unload my stuff into my car and this woman pulls up, and sits in the middle of the lane so that nobody can get past her, and waits for me to finish. I'll admit, I had a nice parking spot. In the shade, right next to the cart return. But, I think that people who block the lane to wait for a parking space are beyond rude. I mean-it's not Christmas season at the mall-there were plenty of other spaces. And, if she really had to have that one she could have pulled over to the side. Soooooooo, I took my time unloading my cart. Decided that I didn't like where I put the eggs, moved them to the other side. Slowly returned my cart. Then, I took my purse, locked my car and went back to the food court and got a chocolate/vanilla swirl frozen yogurt.

It was really good too.

DOES GRAMMAR REALLY MATTER?

Some people don't think so. I do. Frankly, if you can't formulate a proper sentence, or apparently don't know the difference between their, there and they're, you look like an uneducated fool. If you're blind and using one of those voice recognition things, or English isn't your first language, or you're five years old I'm willing to cut you some slack. But otherwise you are subject to inclusion in my occasional collection of atrocious email.

Here's today's set:

You don't notice anything in his gait so it be hard to change it. That's what I am trying to say... you can't tell he has HD... the only time you'd know is if it's raining... he's on anti immflamitories. His Gait is flawless as far as seeing the HD... so how can you change and already sound gait?

they're un a corn free, grain free food... I mean.... they've got it as good as it can get on crap in a bag.... but otherwise there isn't anything else. My mother simply isn't willing to clean up the puke and the runs they get when we've tried before and she isn't willing to fix their meals for them. I can not do nothing. Save your breath.

funnily cats do not get this

Like I said... if I was going to feed kibble... it be Go

Monday

Still hot. I finally gave in and turned on the little window AC today. The coolest I could get the house, even right in front of the AC, was 84º. So, all I did today that required the tiniest bit of exertion was to take out the trash and empty the compost bucket. Only because they were both over full. The rest of the day I camped in front of the AC and watched movies.

Finished watching Dogville. I like this movie. Weird, and dark. A scathing comment on human nature. Then, Magnolia. The theme for the day seemed to be weird and dark. So, I switched moods after that and watched K-Pax. Jeff Bridges looks better with longer hair, but in my opinion most men do.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a little cooler.

Saturday

I'm hot. Not the good kind of hot either. And I'm sweaty. It won't rain here! Every day we get clouds. I hear thunder. It doesn't rain. I even tried the start-a-Bar-B-Que-going method to see if those clouds would squeeze out a drop or two. No rain. I did get a nice dinner out of it. A piece of pork loin and a big bunch of my vegetables-in-foil-with-olive-oil-and-spices.

Spent the day with the dogs again. Dusty has a wonderful foster home. I was so happy to see him today, he's a changed dog from the scared creature we first took in. Amazing what a little human contact will do for a dog. My foster dog Tilly-who is absolutely the most timid dog I have ever met-finally took a treat from my hand last night. It might have been because she was really hungry. Dinner a few nights ago was lamb flank. No dog ate any, so it went back in the cooler and was fed again the next night. The boys each ate about half a serving, the girls again wouldn't touch it. Back in the cooler. Night three-boys again ate half a serving, girls didn't eat. Which is actually fine, the girls are both a little chunky (life isn't fair in the gender based weight distribution plan, even for dogs) so going a few days without food isn't going to kill them. I gave up, tossed the lamb and tonight gave them pork brisket. There is still some lamb in the freezer though, and we're going to do the tough love thing again and again until they either eat it, or it's in the trash after three days.

MORE MANGLING OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Reader comment in the on line newspaper: "I propose building wind mills on the mediums."
Why do you think it's a good idea to build windmills on people who speak to the dead?

10 News, at it again: "A twisted tale, full of twists."
I guess this story is a bit twisted, yes?

And, some things that came to my email-honest! These are actual cut-and-pastes:

Get the bloods sent to Dr. xxxx for the thyroid testing as her test is more sensitive and picks up more than a vets will, and picks it up sooner before as much damage is done.
Besides the punctuation issues, I'm wondering why someone wants to send boys from the 'hood to Dr. xxxx to have their thyroids tested.

"Brave to your girl!"
Yeah. Whatever.

"I don't give Vitamin E... but I do give A&D for skin and coat health as well s eye site."
I have no idea what vitamins A and D will do to correct the placement of an eye.

"I remember driving a couple of times and Think after I pasted a light,....Was that RED?,..."
Why would someone want to paste a traffic light? What would you paste it to? And, what would you use? A really big glue stick?

Clouds. No rain, just clouds.