Tuesday

MY CRAZY BOYFRIENDS

I must tell you the story about my string of insane boyfriends:

• Jay-Bird. He somehow became quite convinced that there was a group of people following him everywhere. He was sure that they would do things like put one carton of his favorite ice cream in the freezer at 7-11, but they also doctored it so that after he ate the whole half gallon in one sitting he would fall asleep. Uh, dude! That much dairy will make anyone fall asleep. He was also convinced that I was in on it. He went so far as to call the local FBI office to report this. The person who answered the phone told him "to come on in to talk about it". Yeah, and to meet those nice young men in their clean white coats.
• Underwear Man. Soon after starting to date this guy I started noticing my underwear disappearing. And my panty hose. I thought I was just misplacing stuff, or the washing machine was eating it. Until one morning when I caught him wearing my bathing suit bottoms. THEN I found out from all my so-called friends that they all knew that he had a habit of stealing women's underwear and wearing it. After we broke up (which was immediately after finding him wearing my clothes) I found a bra with falsies duct taped into it in my closet. I was tempted to send a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog to him care of the bar he hung out in, but I didn't. I just told everyone. I figured that if he chose to wear women's underwear in the privacy of his bedroom that was his business. When he stole MY underwear that made it MY business, and I could tell whoever I wanted to. And, I wanted to talk!
• J.C. Thought he was Jesus. Really. Also swore that he didn't drink or smoke. Two minutes later would be puffing on my cigarettes and gulping wine from a water glass.
• The last one-committed suicide in our backyard. He wins the Most-Crazy-Boyfriend award. Poor guy, he really was mentally ill. Half the time he was charming and funny and loving. The other half he was dark, and paranoid, and just plain crazy. I wanted him to leave. Not the way he did though.

All of these guys seemed quite normal when I met them. So, do I drive men nuts? Maybe. I'm not really eager to find out with any new test cases.

A LITTLE GARDENING TALK

I love plants, but I'm not fond of watering. So, I'm trying to populate my yard with plants that will survive with little summer watering. Like the Purple Hanky vine. I haven't watered that sucker in three years, and it's eaten a trellis, a shepherd's crook with a bird house, and a few other garden accouterments that I will most likely never see again. It did get all brown and crispy after our unusual freeze last winter, but it has recovered. In the back I have something that I think is called a sweet potato plant. It pretty much goes dormant in the summer and comes back as soon as there's some rain. The odd thing is-there hasn't been any rain and the plant has leafed out and bloomed.

I figured out why. Last week I got a phone call from a neighbor. He happened to be walking around the block with his dog and noticed a lot of water on the sidewalk on the side of my house. (I have a corner lot, but I very rarely go on that side.) He thought I had a water leak. I checked it out, and my neighbor to the rear (who can officially be classified as a moron, but that's a long story) has sprinklers on her bank. They've been on for at least a week. They're still on, and the sidewalk is covered with water. The good thing-the water that SHE is paying for has gotten to the roots of my backyard plants. So, now I just need it to rain in the front yard.

The problem with my method? I love roses. Roses need more water than they'll ever get naturally here. I do have one OGR (Old Garden Rose) that has managed to survive. But, if I want more roses I'll have to rethink at least part of my anti-watering plan. Maybe large pots. I also like mini roses, and I bought a new one yesterday. The neat thing about the little minis that you can buy almost anywhere-they usually have two or three plants in the pot. If you so desire you can split them up and get more plants. I didn't with this one, I just put it in a bigger pot.

If you like roses and don't want to have to fuss over them a lot I recommend self-rooted OGR's. Grafted hybrid teas are a PITA!

And, because I like the picture, a close up of the flower from the rejuvenated plant:

DANCING WITH THE STARS

I love this show! Last year I picked Apolo to win even before the first episode because he's just so cute and I really thought that his build and footwork from short track speed skating would be an asset. That, and he lucked out with his partner. Tonight she did it again. I think that the race-car guy has a good shot at this because of her. Sabrina (I think that's her name) is a good pick too. I'm pulling for Jane Seymour to go far-she's older than I am, and I've always liked her. My prediction for the first to go-the female model. Models never do well, they don't seem to have a fan base to vote for them. And, she wasn't very good.