November 7th

CONVERSATION WITH MY NEIGHBOR

My neighbor across the street no longer has a car. I guess it broke down, and she either doesn't have money to fix it or buy a new one, or is just too stupid to figure out how to solve the problem. You'll see what I mean in a moment.

I gave her a ride down to the store one day. I wasn't busy, it's not far, no problem. Then about a week later she asked if I would go down and get her some beer and cigarettes because she was taking care of her mother and couldn't leave. I did, but now there's a small problem. Her beer and cigarettes cost $1 more than she gave me. I told her that when I got back. Now, $1 isn't going to break me, but I won't keep doing favors for people who don't pay me back what they owe me, whether it's $1 or $100. Yesterday she knocked on my door and asked if I was going anywhere. I was, to the grocery store. She asked if I would take her to the bank, 15 miles in the opposite direction. “No.” I mentioned the $1 (which is the end of favors as far as I'm concerned-if I have to ask you for what you owe me it's done, over, finished) and she said “I don't have any money.” Then, she got pushy about the ride, I said “NO” again, and she said “I'll give you money for gas.” “You said you don't have any money.” “I have $2.”

Okay. Not only are you obnoxious, won't take "no" for an answer and don't pay people back what you owe them, you're a liar too. And, so stupid that you'll contradict your lie in the next sentence. I am so done with you.

NOODLES WITHOUT GLUTEN

The thing about wheat is that it's cheap, plentiful and fills people up, so people tend to eat a lot of it. Unfortunately, humans didn't evolve to properly digest it. There are many people who can't eat gluten, like me. I think I just have post-menopausal gluten intolerance because I can eat small amounts without consequence, but why do it when I know it's not good for me? I miss crusty sourdough bread though. And pasta. Hint-don't even bother with the fake pasta made with rice four. Might as well put sauce on wallpaper paste. If you can find them, noodles and pasta made from quinoa are quite good.

I found an idea for something better, and healthier. Noodles made from zucchini! Trim off the ends and peel a zucchini, then use the peeler to cut noodle sized strips, discard the inner part with the seeds (or puree it in the food processor and use in the sauce). Put them in a strainer, toss with salt and let sit for half an hour or so. You can either eat them raw or warm them up just a bit by blanching in boiling water for about 60 seconds, then drain. I made this with a raw sauce-a cut up tomato, two grated cloves of garlic, about a tablespoon of fresh basil with some olive oil poured over it and left to sit until the tomato juice is all mixed in with the oil. Then toss with the noodles and top with grated Parmesan or Romano cheese. For one serving I used one squash and one tomato, so figure one of each per person. This is where that crusty bread would be a good addition, but even without bread it's a tasty meal.

MORONS WHO SEND THINGS TO EVERYONE IN THEIR ADDRESS BOOK

Example: A message came thorough one of my email lists asking me to click on a link and put myself on some one's birthday calendar. I have no idea who that person is, so I deleted it. Maybe I should have put some random name and birthday in there. If you're going to be a moron and send this to a big email list then you deserve to get some really strange entries.

Oooh. I could enter the names and birth dates of famous dead people, that would keep her guessing.

SCENE OF THE CRIME

Earlier today my dogs were going berserk-barking at what seemed to be an invisible intruder. I couldn't see anything worthy of making a fuss over out the window in the door. However, when I went outside I saw the evidence of what they were so worked up about.

Obviously, a vicious feline on the loose! I didn't see any blood or body parts, so maybe the bird got away.