April 28th

MY SWEET GEORGIE GIRL

In the rescue biz there are dogs that you become more attached to than others. The ones that you pull from the shelter, or foster, or that just worm their way into your heart for one reason or another. I transported this sweet girl from the shelter and found her a foster home. Today she got adopted by a really wonderful woman, who I know will love her as much as she deserves to be loved.

THE BACHELOR

A contender for the title of The Stupidest TV Show Ever. I don't watch it, but I do watch the shows that come on before it (Dancing With the Stars and Samantha Who-Christina Applegate is a brilliant comedic actress!). So, I usually leave the TV on and just go do something else.

What would be the best moment ever on TB? If one of the women grew a set, and when asked "Will you accept this rose?" would say: "No. You're an arrogant, conceited asshole. Stuff this rose!"

I can dream, can't I?

April 25th

BIG OLD BLOCK OF FROZEN MEAT

I don't feed commercial dog food to my dogs. No crap-in-a-bag crosses the threshold here, my dogs are fed a raw prey-model diet. Half a chicken (yes, with the bones), a slab of pork ribs, organ meat, eggs, etc. I order a lot of my food through a buying group and get whole cases of things. For this month I ordered 30 lbs. of pork hearts because they're a nice size to hand to a dog, or to add to a meal that may be too bony. I got sixty pounds instead of 30, so I had to do some creative freezer cramming to get all the food in. (I still had to put a bunch in the cooler and will have to rotate that with stuff in the freezer for a week or so.) The problem with cramming in semi-thawed pork hearts (even if they're individually bagged) is that they then freeze together like a big meat puzzle, and it can be a challenge to get them back out of the freezer. And, while I was wrestling with frozen meat this afternoon Kiara (the girl dog who will eat until she explodes) stole a whole pork brisket, which is two days worth of food for her. She'll get fed very light meals for a few days to compensate for her gluttony.

SHARK ATTACK

Nothing funny about this. A man was attacked and killed by what they think was a great white shark just up the coast from here. I feel sad for his friends and family. It's a very rare thing-more people win the lottery in California than are killed by sharks-but it's still scary.

April 23rd

THE PROBLEM WITH NOT BEING ANONYMOUS

I can't talk about most of the things that piss me off, because they involve people I know. And, even if I'm pretty sure those particular people don't read my blog, other people who know me and know those people do, and sometimes tip them off. So, unless I have an interesting story about random strangers, this blog has to be pretty innocuous. "Look, a bird!" "Look, a flower!" "What nice weather we're having." Frankly, being nice is boring. Well, being nice when people hurt my feelings or are complete morons and I can't rant about it is boring, and frustrating. Maybe I'll make another blog. An anonymous one, so I can tell it like it really is. The freedom to truly speak my mind is an intoxicating thought. The problem is, I can't link to it from here, because some of the people who read this are either the people who hurt my feelings, are complete morons and deserve to be made fun of, or know those people and might rat me out. I wonder if it's even possible to have a completely anonymous blog. Hmmmmmm.......

THE BATHROOM KEY

I mentioned that I had a little temp job at the end of tax season. The office was in one of those buildings where the bathrooms are kept locked. The bathroom key at this office was kept by the door on a BIG beaded, dangly key chain. On the last day of tax season I accidentally forgot to take it out of my pocket, but fortunately that was the night that we went to dinner so I found it and gave it to the tax guy to take back since I thought that I was done working. I ended up going back for two days this week to help mop up-putting client copies of returns and their original forms together to mail, etc. On Monday the three guys who work in the office went out to lunch and left me working. I needed to pee-and found that the big blue dangly key chain wasn't there. No problem, I thought I would just use the one that's on the key chain with the mailbox key. AGGGGGGHHHHHH! That one was also missing! Now, I am of the age that holding my pee for any longer than a few minutes once I need to go is not really an option. So, I went out to the hallway to consider possible courses of action. Fortunately a nice young man walked by who had a key on him and I was able to make it to the toilet in time. When the guys got back I asked if they were purposely torturing me for stealing the key the week before.

Turns out that one of the guys had used the key before going to lunch and left it in the men's room, and someone took it. He also had taken the mailbox key home over the weekend and neglected to return it. So, the next day he made a sign for the bathroom describing the key chain. The best part was the end: "Please return. We haven't urinated in two days. Sincerely, Three Guys in Suite 218"

April 17th

SOMEBODY GAVE ME FLOWERS!

Unfortunately, not a secret admirer. Or even a non-secret one. I did a little temp job for an accountant for the last four days of tax season. My job was to mostly keep people away from him so he could get his work done. His girlfriend is also an accountant, and on tax day they traditionally take all their employees out to dinner. So, I worked for four days, got paid rather well for what they expected me to do, got a nice dinner and a lovely bouquet of flowers and a balloon that says "Thank You". Way more than I expected, so it's all good.

THE MORON COLLECTION

I had these gems from the morons posting to the UT forums saved, so I guess it's time to share them.

"hypocrite if the highest degree
BTW, this guy put into jail guys just like he is"

"I'm sure she will try and take full advantage of this but I don't see her doing anything with it besides making herself look even more opportunistic and desperate. If I had that kind of cash your darn right I would fork it out to sleep with her for an hour so I don't blame him at all. But she is no better than Lewinsky other than she is a hell of alot better looking! both desperate loser with absolutely zero dignity. I would rather be a nobdy with my dignity than a loser with none. That's just me..."

"For everyone prostitute who voluntarily goes into the business and can quite anytime she wants, there probably are 10-20 who were either sexually abused as children, are druggies, are abused by their pimps, or are/were the victims of the international sex trade. I'm sorry, but the line about "two consenting adults engaging in an arms-length negotiation and contract formation/execution" just doesn't apply in most cases, when the above factors are considered."

"As far as the Madonna wanna-be (Alexandra, er Kristen, or whatever the h3LL), she should easily turn this media circus into a quick million bucks, just like Paris (and Kim K. if she's smart). It ain't moral, but the scum do tend to rise to the top in this world of loose morals and Soddom-Gomorrah lifestyle."

"She belong in TJ with the other whor' , build a fence."

"your totally wrong about everything and my screen name reflects my leftest political view i am a progressive see why assuming things makes an ASS-ume out of you! And of course I make enough why you would love to think if i was a woman of color that i pay for all of it and live in eastlake with welfare money wouldnt you or ohh maybe i sell drugs..pathetic really!" No, what's pathetic is that you can't write a coherent sentence. Leftist? Is that the political view that thinks that it's not important to use the language properly? Oh wait, maybe Bush is a Leftist under that definition.

"I didnt ruin it just when people start saying oh if your driving 50 mph in the slow lane your mexican and stuff like that it just pains me to see people really to think stuff like that is funny life has so much more funny moments then to joke about someones race that is the breading ground for people to step in and say really racist things its how it gets started everyone should be uncomfrotable with stereo-typical comments its not a good thing."

"I dont even know why I am on here I am going back to democraticunderground.com where real news is this newspaper just prints news like this to keep people distracted from the shambles our government and country is in. Uhhhh" Real news? At democraticundergound.com? Or, the news that completely agrees with your radical views? I wonder if they can use the language correctly.

"here come the bigoted hateful anti-christian trolls (see above) lol. I'm glad the US constitution says we have a right to practice our religion." And, apparently you also have a right to post illiterate comments on public forums.

April 13th

HOT!

It's 5 pm, and it's 92º on my patio (in the shade). It was hot yesterday too, and that might have been a good excuse for a couple of the other rescue volunteers being rude to me at the adoption event, except that they're always rude to me. Frankly, I'm not sure just how much longer I want to donate time and energy to be treated badly.

THE MASSACRE AT GOLDFISH POND

I went outside the other morning to find that something had murdered some of my goldfish (I think four of them) by the side of the pond. Fish scales and guts were left behind as evidence. I think this happened at night because whatever it was pulled the hose for the waterfall off of the pump, and I'm pretty sure it was working the evening before. So, it probably wasn't the murderous Great Blue Heron returning, but some nocturnal marauder. The only animal I've ever heard of doing this is raccoons, and I've never heard of there being any of those around here. Could be though. Which is why I'm glad that it's been warmer than normal the past few days, I left the patio door open for the dogs to chase off any nocturnal visitors. They were all riled up by something in the yard last night, so maybe whatever it was will remember that big, mean dogs live here and go do their fishing in someone else's pond.

FINALLY!

My Dog.com order arrived, a mere 30 days after I placed my order. After sending four emails that were never answered I gave up and (knowing that I might lose my temper) called them. They cancelled the first order (which according to the tracking information is STILL sitting in Los Angeles) and resent the stuff via FedEx with no shipping charge. Well, they sent most of the stuff. One dog toy that I really wanted was out of stock, so I didn't get it. And, I got no apology or discount, or even a free cheap dog toy. No "we're sorry for the trouble, here's a GC towards your next order", nothing. I doubt I'll ever order anything from them again, there are other places with better prices, and hopefully better customer service.

April 8th

JUST A QUICK COMMENT

YES! Adam, who is not funny and can't dance, is OFF DWTS! I hope that Jimmy Kimmel gives him a big old ration of shit tonight on his program.

I have a rather warped and dark sense of humor myself, but in order to find it funny I need humor to be intelligent and not offensive. Like I said, Adam is not funny. Also: not cute, not intelligent, and not a good dancer. He apparently can ride a unicycle, but that skill might get him a job in a circus.

April 5th

I HAVE A SYNDROME!

I was reading an interesting article today about an area of San Diego where they once did missile testing but have since abandoned all the structures, and for some reason started looking at a page of display ads. All of them were searching for people to participate in drug studies. "You may be compensated for your time", they say, but they don't say anything about compensating you if you die from their experimental drugs. Anyway, I was particularly amused by this one ad:

ARE YOU A NIGHTOWL?

Do you go to bed at a late hour?

If so, you should know about a research study of an investigational medication for the treatment of Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS)

I kid you not! Now being a night person is a syndrome, that someone (read-money grubbing drug companies) has decided must be cured with some sort of medication. Never mind what the horrid other effects of this medicine might be-your liver will fail, you'll never take a poop again (that is, unless this medicine causes uncontrollable diarrhea), you'll turn into a raging maniac and you may commit suicide, but this medicine will make sure that you never have to suffer through another episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live ever again!

Personally, I would rather see a drug that would cure the annoying morning people. There's nothing that makes me want to slap someone more than a freaking cheerful person before 10 am.

April 2nd

WISTERIA

STILL NO DOG.COM ORDER!

It's getting ridiculous! The package has now been sitting in Los Angeles for THIRTEEN days. Not to mention the six days it took to get there in the first place. I have sent two emails to dog.com, and they haven't even bothered to respond. I'm afraid to pick up the phone and call them-the complete lack of customer service here would make it hard for me to be a grown-up when speaking to someone.

MESSING WITH SURVEY TAKERS

It sucks that politicians, charities and pollsters are exempt from observing the Do Not Call rules. So when survey takers call me I like to aggravate them as much as they aggravate me by calling. If you will actually think about the questions they ask they are designed to get the answers they want. Any other answer would be absurd, so they slant their polls with carefully worded questions. I pick the questions apart. For instance, I had one recently ask if I thought that things "in the county" were going well. I asked if by "the county" they were including the city government, because obviously that wasn't doing well, but the county itself didn't have any real problems, and the question was rather poorly worded, could they clarify please? The woman who was taking the survey hung up on me.