April 23rd

THE PROBLEM WITH NOT BEING ANONYMOUS

I can't talk about most of the things that piss me off, because they involve people I know. And, even if I'm pretty sure those particular people don't read my blog, other people who know me and know those people do, and sometimes tip them off. So, unless I have an interesting story about random strangers, this blog has to be pretty innocuous. "Look, a bird!" "Look, a flower!" "What nice weather we're having." Frankly, being nice is boring. Well, being nice when people hurt my feelings or are complete morons and I can't rant about it is boring, and frustrating. Maybe I'll make another blog. An anonymous one, so I can tell it like it really is. The freedom to truly speak my mind is an intoxicating thought. The problem is, I can't link to it from here, because some of the people who read this are either the people who hurt my feelings, are complete morons and deserve to be made fun of, or know those people and might rat me out. I wonder if it's even possible to have a completely anonymous blog. Hmmmmmm.......

THE BATHROOM KEY

I mentioned that I had a little temp job at the end of tax season. The office was in one of those buildings where the bathrooms are kept locked. The bathroom key at this office was kept by the door on a BIG beaded, dangly key chain. On the last day of tax season I accidentally forgot to take it out of my pocket, but fortunately that was the night that we went to dinner so I found it and gave it to the tax guy to take back since I thought that I was done working. I ended up going back for two days this week to help mop up-putting client copies of returns and their original forms together to mail, etc. On Monday the three guys who work in the office went out to lunch and left me working. I needed to pee-and found that the big blue dangly key chain wasn't there. No problem, I thought I would just use the one that's on the key chain with the mailbox key. AGGGGGGHHHHHH! That one was also missing! Now, I am of the age that holding my pee for any longer than a few minutes once I need to go is not really an option. So, I went out to the hallway to consider possible courses of action. Fortunately a nice young man walked by who had a key on him and I was able to make it to the toilet in time. When the guys got back I asked if they were purposely torturing me for stealing the key the week before.

Turns out that one of the guys had used the key before going to lunch and left it in the men's room, and someone took it. He also had taken the mailbox key home over the weekend and neglected to return it. So, the next day he made a sign for the bathroom describing the key chain. The best part was the end: "Please return. We haven't urinated in two days. Sincerely, Three Guys in Suite 218"